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Bocca Del Inferno

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Bocca Del Inferno

Bocca Del Inferno, the mouth of hell. An online interactive roleplaying community.

Mature Subject Matter.


Skipped Back 10

December 10th, 2006

The next few weeks I spent trying to recover from the shock of suddenly being ripped out of hell for a second time and dropped back into the life that I'd once known. Only this time I didn't fall back to where I'd been killed like the first time I'd been brought back. I was back at the beginning, back in Ireland. It was strange being back here, but the woman who took me in and not to mention Lilly made it easier. I was the one who needed taking care of, but I felt strangely protective over Mary so I stayed with her for several more days after Lilly offered to take me back to the hotel where she was staying.

I knew I couldn't stay indefinately, so once I knew I was feeling better I thanked her for letting me stay with her and for bringing me back to her place the first time then I left. The last thing she needed was a vampire who'd just come back from hell lounging out on her couch for any longer. So, I went back with Lilly. It was the easier choice anyway considering Mary didn't know what I was and that serving me pancakes and bacon weren't going to get my strength back.

Doyle's sister. Not only was she his sister, but she had the visions. Visions of events that happened during my lifetime. I felt connected to her in a way I didn't really understand, but then again didn't question. I was grateful for the connection to this world because without it I probably wouldn't have been able to get used to this life as easily. Buffy had been there the first time and now I had Lilly, the sister of my once best friend. Buffy. I thought about her often, but sometimes wouldn't let myself. The wondering and all the questions I had, but had no way of getting any answers. Was she alive? Still working with the newly formed Watchers' Council? There was no way to get in contact with her or anyone else and I had no idea what that meant for me. Why was I here? All of my past friends were dead and I had no idea about Buffy and the others. Lilly had the visions just like Doyle had, so was that the only reason I'd been brought back? To help her like I had him?

The question about Buffy was answered soon enough after a few weeks when Lilly had another vision. There were no wounds from the vision this time, but when she told me what she saw I didn't believe her at first. She described a blonde, powerful, and doing dark magics. It had to be someone else though right? Buffy wouldn't.. she couldn't be evil. There was a part of me that just was grateful I knew she was alive. I knew where she was now, but.. evil. We had to find her.

It was easy enough to get an overnight flight from Ireland to England. I'd been to London in my past and always had hated it. Now I hated it for the reasons we were going. Buffy was evil. I'd already made up my mind that I wouldn't kill her, but we had to find her. I had to see her. Once we arrived in London, I was able to get a listing for her and realized that Buffy wasn't the only one here. No, everyone was here. Faith, Buffy, Willow, Dawn, everyone.

I might've been out of practice, but finding my way into a building undetected wasn't hard to pick back up on again. There was security at the front gates, so walking through the front door and demanding I see Buffy wasn't an option. We made our way around back and soon enough, we reached the side of the house and slipped in through an open window. I could hear voices, but there was a strong pull coming from one of the rooms down the hallway. Keeping Lilly behind me, we walked quietly then suddenly a brunette came out of a room and with that familiar waltz came walking towards us. Holy fuck.

Devon: It had officially been weeks since Buffy had first showed up on my door step and changed my life indefinitely. Needless to say, I wasn't impressed with dad after that. We'd had far too many discussions after that (dad and myself) and most of them focused on the fact that he had hidden this whole life from me. For what he thought was the better. But obviously it was just the better for him. He didn't like that I was continuing to see my sister either, which really wasn't his decision anymore. He lost that when he kept something so entirely huge from me like this. Things had been... worse when I found out the real reason Buffy was here. Why me. Why she had been there to see me when she didn't know who I was. Vampires, please. And a legend about being a girl in the world destined to fight them. I had given Buffy a look like she had eaten crazy sauce. Maybe she had. But there was something that stopped me from cutting her off entirely and maybe that was potential. Knocking on Buffy's hotel room door, I let out a hard breath.

Buffy: So the whole thing with my dad had been crazy. He'd convinced me to have dinner with him one night and he politely asked me not to see Devon again. I pretty much told him to shove it and that he hadn't been my father in years so it was no skin off my back that from now on, he wasn't my father. And if Devon wanted to see me then she could. Of course I wasn't so sure she'd want to after I told her what I needed to. Most girls didn't take it too well that they were slayers, sure there were exceptions but rarely did they ever hug you and thank you for changing their whole lives, with Devon it was two-fold. I hadn't told anyone anything and I'd been avoiding calling Faith back, she was freaking out but I figured if it was important enough she'd tell me what the fuck what going on in a voice mail. This was just something I needed to do. The knock on my hotel door interrupted my thoughts and I got up to open it. I pretty much only had one visitor so I wasn't all that surprised to see Devon. "Hey," I said opening the door wider for her to come in.

Devon: "Hi," I said, stuffing my hands in my pockets. I felt for lint at the bottom of them for a distraction. I hated having all these intense conversations and being in the moment of them. I didn't want to be in the moment and feel the changes of my life. I just couldn't. Slipping inside, I memorized the walls instead. There were the options Buffy had presented and right now they were really appealing, but I didn't believe. I wish I could feel even the least bit sorry for not opening up, but I wasn't. "I want to see a vampire. I mean, you've told me about it and there's all these books, but... I think it would be different to see one."

Buffy: "You want me to take you on patrol?" I ask a little confused. That was definitely a first. Not that I was the one who usually did this sort of thing but as far as I knew Willow never took people to patrol. Usually she did some handy magic and that was pretty convincing, but I was not all Wicca Buffy. I was just slayer Buffy. I swear every time I talk to Devon I'm more and more convinced that the freak flag that I fly is completely genetic. I sigh finally and head towards my bag, at least I never leave home without a full set of weapons. I grabbed a couple of stakes, a cross and a bottle of holy water, walking back towards her I handed her a stake, the cross and the holy water. "You'll need these."

love sure made him braveCollapse )
I fucking hate taxi's but there just wasn't time to wait in the airport for a rental car. There wasn't time to calm the storm inside me, Helena was alive. She was alive and it was like there was going to be nothing left of me by the time that we got to the makeshift colony she'd made for herself. I'd been shattered when I was told she was gone, like the only good piece left of me was just gone. Blown away in the end of another fire that decimated everything I'd known.

Helena was my everything and since I'd lost her I'd picked up the pieces of my broken life and gone on. Feeling like half a person - lycan - god.

We mate for life and she was it for me. The women that had graced my bed through the years since then had meant nothing. They were used to sate a carnal instinct to fuck and feed and there wasn't anyone in my life that even came close to meaning as much to me as she had - except for Laurel. What Laurel and I had was something else all together; she was my best friend and she'd never found her mate and she'd never truly be able to understand what Helena had meant to me.

She'd been ansty ever since I'd gotten off the phone and demanded that we drop everything and head to England. She put up a little bit of a fight but really I didn't care, it was a fight I won. Laurel might not like it but she'd do anything for me and this was something I was doing with or without her and I think she recognized that.

I growled at the driver, "If you don't get me to that house in one fucking piece I swear I will rip out your throat."

I heard a huff from Laurel next to me and rolled my eyes. She was being a bit of a princess about the fucking shopping trip I'd thwarted to come here.

Honestly, I knew I was being distant to her. I couldn't even really beging to explain what was going on inside. We weren't even sure that my intel was accurate, for all I knew it was just another fuck up in a line of fuck ups. But to think that I'd been lied to, again about something like this was eating me up inside.

I kept wondering if she thought I'd just left her, wondering how I could explain the years away, the way I'd lived. I'd changed since I'd last seen Helena, deep down I was still the same man but I'm different. I've let bitterness in, let loss overshadow me and I don't mind the person I've become. I hate humans, I can't stand to smell their flith and watch as they walk around as though they aren't on the bottom of the foodchain. Polluting our world, thinking they are kings of the world. I can't wait to watch them bow down before us.

I want Helena to be a part of that. She's mine, she always has been and she always will be.

I don't really have much doubts about her coming with us, getting behind the plan to find the moon dancer. She always did like that crisp feeling of power that she'd expereinced as an Alpha's mate, as an alpha herself. The only problem I saw was Laurel. Our situation was different, alpha's who were not mated was rare, but that's exactly what we were.

Then again we were singular, the first generation of lycans.

I got out of the taxi with Laurel behind me, most of our shit was back at the hotel we'd checked into. The house was dark and I could smell a litter of different lycan's and werewolves around us. There were too many to completely decipher Helena's but there was that familiar feeling in my gut.

I knocked and waited.

[Open to Helena & Laurel]
The wheels bump hard on the tarmac, the plane jolting us a little too hard, X’s hand covering mine quickly to keep me in my seat. Nothing, I’d rather do than jump up in my seat, make my way to the pilot’s cabin and eviscerate him right there.

It was all I could to keep from trembling in anger, or panic, and X wasn’t helping at all, and with each passing minute, everything I knew was changing, everything I’d trusted and my life was spiralling toward something else, and I hated change almost as much as I hated humans. I needed a good fuck, and to tear something apart – anything, and I was ready.

I admit to being a bitch, an evil manipulating self-centred bitch, in everything except to when it came to X, he was the only one who could get to me, make me do something other than what I’d wanted to do.

It all started out rather simply, my clowning around to put him in a better mood. Ready to shop in Egypt, we were in fucking Paris and X was being all broody, but then that was X, Mr. Brooder. The call came, one call and he drops all of our plans changes everything, and I was pissed. This plane ride wasn’t helping matters, or the fact that I hadn’t had sex or a good kill in too many days to count.

My plan was to shop, maim, kill gorge ourselves to bursting, then go to America. Spend the holidays in New York, and while there we’d meet with the elders of the pack and see what had developed about the mythical girl we’d been chasing. One call and all of that had changed, and I wasn’t happy at all.

It was unlike X to change my plans and to make demands, but he had, in fact it was more of an order, we were going to England. He was visible shaken from the call, and characteristically silent about things, but this, whatever it was, he should have told me, and then when he did – I wasn’t prepared.

Helena, the love of his life, she was alive and in England, at least that’s what his sources reported. Granted, neither of us would believe it until we saw her, but once again my best friend had been lied to, about someone else he’d loved, the someone he’d chosen as his mate.

X and Laurel, that’s how it had been forever, what is forever in the lifetime of an immortal? Best friends, fuck buddies on occasion, we were the prophesied two, but the love was platonic, we weren’t the wolf that did it for the other, but over the years, we’d come to rely on each other we were family, all we had and all we trusted.

Wolves mate for lives, and she was whom he’d wanted. There wasn’t room for a third-wheel and that is what I would be if this rumour was true. How can you not want your best friend to be happy? I’d never been in love, never understood how he felt about her.

Terror spread through my body, as the plane taxied toward the gate, moving us to something different. Whatever we had was about to change, and my body was racked with so many emotions, I just need to kill something … anything.

Stoic he sat there a million miles away, his mind with her, and I wanted to hug him and say I was so glad, and I was, inside I was crying for what I was losing, for what I’d never had.

It was the first time I’d ever experience envy, I wasn’t human and I didn’t have many human emotions, funny I was realizing how many of them I really did have.


December 9th, 2006

There's always things in life that come as a shock, like say finding out that your a mystical key to a hell demension and you aren't actually real. That was one of those moments that seriously screwed with my 13 year old head. Though I guess technically it was more like millenia old head disguised as a 13 year old. It's still crazy to think about, anyways the point is sometimes you just wake up and realize that everything is different. Sometimes it happens in a moment or a series of moments.

Today I woke up and realized that I'm dating Riley Finn. It's not like I haven't been aware of this turn of events since Halloween but it just hit me.

I don't know if it would be better or worse if Buffy were around and I could talk to her about how she feels about it but she kinda bailed and has been in LA for weeks. She says its just all this complicated crap that she doesn't want to talk about through e-mail but I'm actually getting worried. Mostly because she won't actually call me which means she doesn't want to get caught in a lie - Buffy can't lie for shit. At least not to me, not anymore, I guess a year of lying and me seeing through it counts for something.

So I'm dating Riley Finn and it's strange but in that really good kind of way.

Mostly it's just weird because he was oh so in love with Buffy years ago. I'm not sure I'm ever going to meet a good guy who hasn't been in love with Buffy though so whatever. I deal and move on and try not to think about the fact that my new - older - boyfriend used to have sex with my sister on a regular basis. Wow it's a little creepy when you think about it.

Too bad.

It's a little too easy to fall for someone like Riley. I mean, I don't see how Buffy managed not to. Okay I take that back, considering everything I guess I can see how she was able to keep herself from falling for anyone. But I'm so not going to be thinking about Angel.

So Faith has been like freaking out trying to get in touch with Buffy and I didn't know why, I cornered her about it and she yelled at me at first telling me I needed to get my sister to aswer her fucking phone. Totally a little miss cranky pants, let me tell you. Mostly I could just see that she was really freaked out so after about two days of me bugging her about it and telling her that I thought something was up with Buffy too - she told me.

Wesley is alive. As in sconed up watcher boy Wesley, the one that worked with Angel, died with Angel and used to be both Buffy and Faith's watcher. For like five minutes but it still totally counts. Of course she threatened to pulled each of my hairs out of my head one at a time if I told anybody including my 'new boytoy' about this new development. So, I've kept my mouth shut. Really I just wish Buffy would get the hell off whatever high horse she's riding right now and get in touch with us.

Seriously, Buffy is like the only person who can deal with Faith when she's like this and she's not returning phone calls. I don't even know if Faith has been specific about what's going on in the voice mails but it seems like something that Buffy would come back for. I mean hello, HUGE! So that's why I'm even more worried about Buffy, something's going on and she's in damn LA.

Just peachy.
Fuck this shit man. If it weren't for Corinna I'd be going bat-shit insane. I can't stand half these bitches, all they do is whine and complain about feeling sick or not liking their watchers or boo-hoo I left my family and friends behind. They should just get the fuck over it already. Who knows what they were thinking when they gave me an Abercrombie model for a watcher. I guess I'd be happy about it if I liked cock but instead I get to hear whining from Cassandra about how she wants a hot watcher. Excuse me while I vomit in Giles's tweed coat pockets.

Give me a break.

I'm here to fight, to break shit and to kill things. It's what I'm built for, it's what we're all built for. Instead we just have cutesie Halloween parties and have to deal with two supposed senior slayers not talking to the head watcher idiot.

What we need watchers for in the first place is beyond me but whatever. I'd have bailed on this place months ago if Corinna hadn't actually been the only person to start talking to me. She doesn't like my attitude much but whatever, what you see is what you get.

No I'm not in love with my roommate. Let's get that part over and done with. I've never really had many friends, can't imagine why, apparently I'm not very likeable. That and nobody's ever given enough of a fuck about me to both caring or reaching out. So screw the bitches who talk shit behind my back. They're the ones who were all dressed up like fucking pochahontis at that Halloween party while I was down in the training room beating the shit out of a punching bag.

They're the ones worrying about their love lifes and the lack of guys, worried about the sales back home in New York or how the lights flicker over the Sydney Harbor at night. Instead of focusing on the fact that we're in a fucking war and attachements to material shit like that isn't worth it.

There's only one reason why I let Corinna close. She's real.

The rest of them could rot and die for all I care. Watchers, Slayers, Witches, they can all just burn for all I care. This is a fight and I'm going down swinging, not prissing around trying to land a date.

Nobody's hearing shit about how I feel like crap lately, how my punches are landing quite as hard. All that means is I've got to work harder to be the best.

Of course I'm no stranger to material shit. I head out to a pub in town all the fucking time, end up in some chick's bed the next morning and unable to remember most of the night. Slayer constitution hasn't failed me yet.

Just fuck all of them.
I've never really been much of a fighter. Back when I was in high school I got picked on all the damn time, I looked 12 until I was 18 and then I just looked 16. I still look sixteen but I guess that's just the great genetics debate. It's been a long time since I've felt anything resembling normal, I woke up one day and there were these men with scars over their eyes trying to kill me.

I knew who they were, bringers of death. They killed my watcher and I ran. I was suppose to be in the slayer line. I was suppose to have fight instincts not flight but I ran.

I barely even remember the events that lead up to being in Sunnydale and actually fighting those things. Watching as other girls around me died. Hiding behind the ones who knew that this was what they were suppose to do. I looked up to Kennedy, she'd known what she was for a long time just like me and she choose to fight.

I thought I'd always choose flight. I guess things change when you can feel the power coursing through your body. When suddenly the stake in your hand feels more natural than anything else in the world. When you send a punch and it lands directly where you meant it to. Being infused with slayer powers was a heady sensation. It was all thanks to Willo and Buffy. Willow actually did the magic, Buffy just made the decision.

I'm actually surprised I didn't run when she told us all the plan. I could have. She gave us all that opportunity, to walk away from that fight and ensure our own safety. I guess I just couldn't. I'd spent months with these people, training and living and feeling that thread of fear that connected us all when we saw Chloe hanging from the ceiling.

It's been so long since I've felt like just a girl but really I guess there wasn't anything special about being just anything. It was a little less dangerous and simple but this is what we're meant for right?

What else can you do?

Halloween was a little crazy. People just started showing up. Buffy got sick and so did Kennedy. I was feeling a bit fluish too but really I was more concerned with a sale I was missing back home. Sounds a bit shallow I'm sure but I was really just thinking about all the Christmas shopping I was going to be doing that year.

It's weird to go from being a loner and having no one to still being a little bit of a loner but having people who mean something to me. I lost one watcher and never got to tell him how much I appreciated him. I don't plan on making the same mistake again. I may not be a social butterfly or anything but this is like a rag tag family - all the drama you can ask for if your looking for it.

It's weird without Buffy around, everyones a little different. Nobody really knows why she's been gone so long. Dawn's gotten a few e-mails but I've seen Faith frustratingly yelling into a phone leaving what I think are pissed off messages on Buffy's voice mail.

Life will never cease to be interesting.
They say that you have to be careful what you wish for and I don't think that's ever been more true than it is right now. My birthday was rarely all that eventful. I'd hang out with Ash, get a call from Mala and pass out while watching movies and having just a little too much to drink. I hate birthday's, sure I don't mind making a big deal about other people's, but mine? I hate it. It reminds me of all the things I don't have in my life.

So it's only fair that on my 24th I get the customary call from my aunt and she tells me that my mother is alive and in Borsa. My mother who abandoned me when I was born, left me to be raised by my grandmother who was a coldhearted meanspirited bitch. If it weren't for Mala who knows how I'd have turned out, if she hadn't stepped up and taken me away. I'd be a different person if I hadn't been raised by my Aunt and my Great Grandmother.

What was more, my mother died over eight years ago in some small town in California, she was doing the clan's business and she was killed. Murdered by the vampire she was sent to watch over. Don't even get me started on the Archaic and cruel curse that was the reason for her watching the vampire in the first place.

The point is. My mother is dead. Or was dead. Apparently someone saw fit to bring her back from wherever it is that we gypsy go after we die.

I can still hear Mala's voice in my head, the clarity of her worry and fear - that nobody else would have noticed - even through the staticy transatlantic phone call. She was trying to be brave for me, trying not to freak me out but what could I do? My mother was suppose to be dead. She told me of the clan's words, how they called her a curse, a zombie. I laughed for an hour on one of the many plane rides about that, it wasn't partiuclarly funny but somehow it just hit me. Maybe it was the music filtering into my head through my iPod. (Satin In A Coffin - Modest Mouse, a little ironic if you ask me)

When I got off the plane Luis was waiting for me. He looked as spooked as I felt but they'd had a couple of days to deal with Janna - my mother. You can't exactly get from Florida to Borsa in a day. The drive to our village was long and silent and I kept feeling these warring emotions stirring through me. Luis and Mala had both told me that Janna had no memory of the past two and a half decades. She didn't remember them all that well - considering they'd both grown up in 24 years.

So maybe I shouldn't have felt resentful towards her, she didn't even remember having me, but I felt it anyway. A part of me had always put her up on a pedestal, as a child I never understood why my mother wasn't around but Mala had always told me good things, how beautiful, amazing, powerful and kind my mother was but once I hit 15 I started to ask why and when Mala couldn't tell me and grandmother wouldn't I started to hate her. You can't truly hate someone unless you love them so I guess really it was just me being a broody teenager.

For the most part I thought I'd gotten over my resentment especially after she died but when Mala introduced me to her I was torn between sobbing like a little bitch and having a temper tantrum like I was 12 again and didn't want to eat my green vegetables.

In the end it kind of took her a while to accept that she wasn't 18 and about to get married. Married to my father, apparently the last thing she remembers is the day before they were set to marry - which they never did. Anytime I ask about it I get shut down. I wish Grandmother were alive.

It's been weeks and I'm getting to know my mother but its like she's not the same person Mala told me about. She finally seems to acknowledge that I'm her son but she's as confused as to why she abandoned me as Mala and I are. She says she'd never leave a child but really what does she know? I got fucking left to her family to raise so I really don't see how she thinks I'm suppose to believe in some strange other occurance that caused her to flea the fucking country.

Maybe I should be more forgiving but I just can't be, not until she can look me in the eye and tell me why and she can't do that if she can't remember the last 24 years.

I love my mother, I'd be lying if I pretended otherwise. Everytime I look at her or talk to her I get this tugging at my heart that tells me to just get over it all ready but I can't.

She's my mother but she's a stranger.

The one thing I told Mala was that we had to figure out what had happened to her, why she was back and figure out how to get her memory back. None of the spells we've been working have been doing any good, Mala thinks that Janna just blocked it out, that magic isn't going to help.

So I've decided we're going to England. It's the only thing that she said when she first reappeared and I'll be dammed if I ignore that. Once we get there we're going to be doing a spell that should connect anyone with ties to her - to us.

Follow the yellow brick fucking road.

December 6th, 2006

The miserable creatures that they call humans continue to pleauge this world. Not that I wasn't one in the beginning, but I got a better offer. Of course I only choose that offer to go against God and his will. Fuck the will of God, so wonderful and powerful he claims to be and that he will love and forgive you no matter what. Well, did he forgive Eve and I? No, instead he threw us out of the kingdom that was made for us and gave us this pathetic mortal life. I was to live forever as something more, as a god with Eve and rule above these lesser creatures in our kingdom. Well, I suppose I still do rule above them once Lucifer offered me his dark gift. Might I say, much better then anything God ever offered me.

So I got bored with this life, what can I say, going around for centuries upon centuries performing mass acts of genocide upon city after city you tend to get bored. So I left this mortal world for a while. I went into a deep sleep you could say, and let the years pass by me. But here I am once again awoken to a new music of the night. I've heard tales whispered throughout the night's air of a slayer. A slayer that was better then all the rest but, then one day something happened. That little slayer died just like the rest, problem was she came back and there was two. But that didn't worry me much, especially when I found out that the one died and then the next one chosen was locked away by societies rules. What disturbed my sleep was when I heard the calling of thousands of slayers all over the world. That's when I woke.

I never actually came in contact with a slayer before, never really wanted to. The slayer was nothing more then another sheep to me, but with this new development in the world I could tell that things would be different. For the fact that there were thousands of the little wannabe heroes running around the world, they would start to pose a threat to my kind and myself. I plan to pick them off one by one; I'll show them something that they have never seen before. What fun I will have with this little game of mouse and cat. Most of them are still so new to the world of slaying and won't see what's coming to them.

But first I came along something else, something I could play with while I got back in shape for this world. Been sleeping so long that I’m afraid I might be a bit rusty. So I sensed the power of something else, a witch like power. Saw the girl, pretty little thing and of course I like playing games so I set up a fun little game to play with her. I followed her around, keeping to the shadows as I watched every move she made. I took note of her family and friends; I saw that she didn’t know her power yet. Which was good of course; get the powerful ones before they even know they are powerful. The only family she seemed to have was her father so that was my first move on the board. Kill the father and then meet her and let her open up to me about the death of her father. It truly was a sick and sadistic game I played but what other way would it be as fun.

I watched her as she came into the bar and sat down. I wait a few minutes then begin to move inside myself, I make sure I take the seat right next to her and order a drink from the bar tender; “Jack”. He nods and begins to make my drink. Once he hands it to me I take a sip then turn my head towards her “Never can go wrong with a good drink.” Humans always have such simple conversation starters, especially at a bar. Everyone who comes here is usually by themselves and lonely. They sit at the bar in hopes to make conversation with the bar tender or someone else that will just listen. Isn’t that all we really want as humans, another soul you can connect with? That’s why I’m glad I don’t have a soul anymore, couldn’t bare the thought of having that feeling of needing another pathetic being around me.

[ Open to Ashima ]

December 3rd, 2006

I wondered how long I had been in hell... I wondered how my friends were doing, how- how Wesley was doing. I had so many questions, as always, and no one to give me a decent answer. It was day time already; I didn't want to intrude on anyone's party the previous night when I was brought back from the dead. I guess, the shock of coming back was a tough pill to swallow and I didn't feel like explaining myself. I didn't even know where 'here' was... but it wasn't L.A. that was for sure. I had never been anywhere out side of L.A. No, wait, there was Texas. I had grown up there. And there was also Pylea. Been there too... Hell? I had been in hell, or my own private hell. Maybe I had gone crazy and it had all been in my mind... Maybe I had ended up in some place for loonies and somehow escaped and now I was better? Doubtful. But in morbid sort of way, a bit comforting. I guess I still didn't want to believe that I was here, and I was truly alive. I had watched everyone from a distance; I was always good at sneaking around. Something I learned in Pylea. I was cold and hungry too, but compared to where I had just been, this was another day at park. At some point I fell as sleep. Guess I was afraid that I would wake up there again. But I didn't.

I did, however, have many dreams. Some dreams were just mundane, didn't really mean anything. Other dreams- well, they were of the times when I was in hell, lost and lone. For a second, I thought that they were real, until they dissolved and I began to dream of other things...

Wesley, Charles, Angel and Cordelia and I were having dinner together, Chinese. I couldn't remember what we were talking about, but I remember laughing and being uncomfortable with the use of a spoon and fork. I felt happy, and warm. I was amongst friends, people that cared for me, and I cared for them. We were all a family. Wished I could have stayed in that dream a bit longer.

Then I dreamed about Wolfram and Hart. About Wesley and I, about the sarcophagus. I felt so stupid for being so curious about everything. Felt stupid because I wasn't careful when I knew the dangers and because of it I had lost everything that mattered. I wondered what it was that killed me and I wondered if they had been able to destroy it before it did any more damage.

My boys I said to myself. They would have won, no doubt about that. They always found a way to beat the bad guy.

I didn't really remember the last thing I dreamt about. It really didn't mean anything to me, but somehow things in my dream did feel familiar. Maybe it was just one of those dreams we have that, are just meaningless and you don't have them because you watched a movie or listened to a song right before you went to bed. I really didn't know.

I was in a cave, or at least it looked like a cave and I was standing in the middle of it, on a bridge that connected one side of the cave to the other. And I was looking down on it. There were coffins or that's what they looked like to me, and somehow I knew that the whole went all the way through, all the way to the other side of the world. I was simply looking down all the way through the other side. And that was all. I woke up after that.

I was a little startled at first. I didn't know where I was, or what I had been doing, but then I remembered all that had happened.

I need to call Wolfram & Hart. That was the first thought that had popped into my head.

That had been on my mind almost from the moment I arrived. I had to let someone know I was okay. That- that I was alive, that I was back. I had to call my parents, I had to let them all know. I had to...

I took a deep breath. I wasn't gonna solve nothing by just standing here. I picked a few leaves from hair and made my way towards the front door. I hoped that who ever answered the door didn't think I was some type of crazy woman. I reached for the door and knocked. I stood there for a few seconds then realized that there was a doorbell. How could I have missed it? Did I come back from the dead with less brain cells? "Focus Fred, focus.." I was just so nervous and anxious. Finally, I rang the doorbell and waited. Hopefully some one in this place was gonna be nice enough to help me.

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